Eighteen

Eighteen. A passage way to adulthood, apparently into the so called "real world". For some, eighteen is a pinnacle of a coming of age or even a "five year old dream", but for me, when the day came, I couldn't comprehend what eighteen was going to mean to me. Maybe partially because, it's suppose to be a day of celebration and joy. Spanish tradition has it that the young girl is suppose to be presented to society as a young woman. For Filipino girls, this means having a debut with family and friends. But for me, I was in a different boat. I never had the fairytale or the dream to always have one since I was a young girl, but for some reason in this past year, it was something I secretly really looked forward to. But sadly, one obstacle stood in my way.. my parents. The thought about throwing one for me drove them crazy. I still remember heated arguments about the issue and somehow knowing I'll lose the battle. It was a struggle, something escalating into something even bigger beyond my control. It's hard to fight against the odds, knowing you'll crumble and fall in seconds. That's why I gave up the battle. I was tired of arguing and yelling, tired of the silence between us, tired of holding onto "what if". The thing that frustrated me the most was that I never actually got a reason or an explanation to why I couldn't have one. They would just shout down my ideas and thoughts without reason or justification. Then one night, the day before my birthday, I finally got the reason why from my Dad out of all people. So that was that, no debut for Melissa. It saddens me when I think about it because I didn't want one for the spotlight, attention or money. I wanted a debut to thank all those who have helped me become the person I am today throughout my eighteen years. I wanted to acknowledge their presence in my life, that what they've done for me has not gone unnoticed. I wanted to say thank-you and present the person that I am today. I wanted to write a speech, say a toast, play the piano, sing a song, and perform. It's funny to think that I would secretly pick out songs that I could potentially play, but that'll never happen now.

March 14th, 2008 finally arrived and I had no idea what to expect. Was it just going to be like any other day or different in its own way? I woke up to phone calls and text messages, the usual greetings on your birthday. But the biggest surprise was when I went downstairs to get my things ready, and sat on the kitchen table was the laptop. There was a note saying I should press play. So I did. The video blew me away, and filled my eyes with tears. I couldn't believe it!
Thanks to my brother Vince and Alexa for putting that together. I greatly appreciate it - one of the nicest and amazing gifts anyone has ever given me!



The weekend was filled with greetings and birthday wishes. Happy smiles and good company. One of the upsides of birthdays are the acknowledgments and thoughtful presents. All the greetings made me realize that the people in my life actually care about me. I know that may sound sad, but sometimes it's easy to forget, especially in difficult times when things seem confusing, that friends and family are out there to talk to about whatever you want to talk about. I guess it's reassuring to know that there are people out there who actually care about your life. So thank-you to all of you who phoned me, left me a text message, wrote on my Facebook wall or attended my party or birthday dinners. I appreciate it more than you might know. Thanks to all the people who got me a present, it was really sweet and thoughtful. Some honorable mentions are the video, Kanye West tickets, "the bass drum replaces my heartbeat" shirt, the awesome birthday cakes, "20 reasons why I love you", a journal to capture my thoughts & stories, cool birthday cards that sing "I'll be there for you..", a mix cd, a scrapbook and the company. Everything meant a lot to me, you probably already noticed that if I opened your present and couldn't stop screaming! It just feels good to know that people think of you and show that they care. Thank-you all again!

Although there was no banquet hall, no invitations, no grand entrance, no 18 candles or roses, no special performances, no slideshow presentation, no dance numbers.. in the end, I guess it doesn't matter how you mark a start to another age or where you start it, but rather who you start your new age with. There's a lot to come this year, mostly trying to find out who I am and where I'm going, but I know regardless of where I end up going, I'll always have my family and friends there caring for me!